woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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