Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
