Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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