he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
