I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
