the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
