i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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