He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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