I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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