Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
