So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
