When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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