lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
