I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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