I must be too annoying 4 u.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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