Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
