people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
