We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
