We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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