Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize