now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
