i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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