Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
