I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
