I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
