see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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