I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
