I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
