apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize