Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
