we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
