How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
