We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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