ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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