soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
