It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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