Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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