Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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