Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
