hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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