I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
