you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
