I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
