my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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