I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
