Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
