I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
