College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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