Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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