I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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