Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
