wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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