I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
