so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
