is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
