you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
