Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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