If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
