Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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