I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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