you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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