if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
