Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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