I faked an abortion last night.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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