can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
