If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize