i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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