Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
