She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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