i may or may not be watching the land before time
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
