I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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