theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
